Isn’t it strange how important fighting is? I’m not saying that it’s important to HAVE fights but it’s important to be compatible in fighting styles or at least navigate together through troubled waters, right?
I had a really terrible day yesterday. I was emotional, stressed and upset. I was feeling like nobody cares about me and that all my energy is being sucked out by work, school, life and just…total meltdown. I’m going to take all the blame here and admit that when I came home, I just went in for the kill. I picked the mother of all fights.
When I got home, Gentleman Caller (GC) was sleeping on the couch. I apparently was offended that someone should be able to relax while I am in a shitty mood (temporary insanity) and I just lost it. What I had not counted on was that he would feel stressed and awful too and be just as angry. We seriously had a fight about fighting.
Like I said, I totally accept the blame for this fight and I brought way too much back story into it. Honestly, I haven’t been taking care of myself lately. I’ve been doing a lot of caring for others and not stopping to let myself recharge. I’m not suggesting I am a self-less saint, not by any means, I’m just saying I’m no good to anyone else unless I’m good to myself first.
GC and I are very much in love and planning on getting married in 2014. We normally have this perfectly happy and silly little family unit and are completely supportive allies. We definitely bring different experiences with relationships into our home though. GC comes from a divorced family, not particularly close, and is divorced himself. I come from a ridiculously close family with parents who have been happily married best friends for almost 40 years now.
When GC fights, he sees it as a harbinger of the end. He has no fight or flight response because he is already busy flying…I mean, if there is trouble he has flown. On the other hand, I fight and expect someone to hash it out with me, be a little mad, re-hash and then we move on together. When we get into arguments, we can both end totally perplexed by what the other person is doing.
Like every argument in the known universe, ours often stem from lack of communication. One partner will assume something doesn’t need to be said and the other definitely needs to hear what isn’t being said. Typical stuff. My question though, is how do you fight healthy? How do you meet in the middle and get to that comfortable place?
P.S. We’re totally fine and were holding hands and giggling again about 45 minutes after the rage-a-thon. Someone (secret: it was totally me) really just needed a hug and a nap and was a total brat about it.